The business world has its own weird way of communicating. It likes jargon and coded language. But never fear! Here is a translation of some of the most common phrases and expressions you’re likely to see in an email. 

• “Thanks in advance” — Get this done by the time I hit “send”.
• “Thanks for your interest” — Why did you have to bring this up?
• “To put it more simply” — I can’t believe you’re this stupid.
• “Gentle reminder” — Would you please just do your fucking job?
• “Per my last email” — I’ve already explained this; can you not read the last fucking email I sent you?
• “Just following up” — Why the fuck did you not respond the first time I emailed you?
• “As you are no doubt aware” — I know you know, so stop pretending to be so fucking ignorant.
• “Going forward…” — Next time, do your job correctly so I don’t have to get involved.
• “In order to set expectations” — Okay, so here is what is not going to happen.
• “Let me clarify” — This is the last time I’m going to explain this.
• “Sorry to bother you again” — Can you please just do your fucking job?
• “Just checking in” — Answer my fucking email. If you don’t know, then just tell me you don’t know.
• “Hope this helps” — Have you ever heard of this thing called Google?
• “Apologies for the late response” — I am depressed as fuck and just trying to keep up.
• “It has been brought to my attention” — You have fucked up.
• “I see your point” — I see your point, but it is completely irrelevant. I don’t fucking care about your opinion any more.
• “As stated below” — Next time, read the entire email instead of just the top two lines.
• “Sorry if that was unclear” — Next time, read my entire email instead of just the subject line.
• “Noted” — I’m done here.
• “Moving forward” — Stop wasting my time with this bullshit.
• “Kind regards” — Fuck you.
• “Correct me if I’m wrong” — I’m not wrong. Do your fucking homework.
• “To put it more simply” — Are you fucking stupid?
• “Hope this helps” — I am done helping you.
• “In case you missed it” — I already told you what you need to do.
• “Not sure if you saw my last email” — Stop fucking ignoring me.
• “Per policy” — It’s out of my hands. Leave me the fuck alone.
• “Should you require further information” — Do not ask me about this ever again.
• “As you are no doubt aware” — I know you know this, so just stop pretending.
• “Let’s circle back on this” — Never talk to me about this again.
• “Sorry if I misunderstood you” — Your email was utterly incoherent.
• “Happy to help” — This is the easiest thing in my inbox.
• “I hope this helps” — I have done all that I am willing to do about this.
• “I did a bit of research” — I googled it, because you are apparently too lazy to do that.
• “Please contact my colleague” — This isn’t my problem.
• “I’m copying in my colleague” — This isn’t my problem and I’m absolutely thrilled about that.
• “Would you be so kind” — Fucking do it.
• “-Best” — I have never physically met you.
• “-All my best” — This conversation is over.
• “Sorry to chase” — Answer my email.
• “So sorry to chase” — Answer my fucking email.
• “I am really sorry for being a pest, but…” — I am livid that you are ignoring me.
• “I’ll check and get back to you” — I might forget to.
• “I’ll let you know when I hear anything” — I will forget.
• “Can you check back with me in a week?” — I’m hoping you will forget to.
• “Per our earlier conversation…” — I just yelled at you on the phone.
• “Great to chat just now.” — You just yelled at me on the phone.
• “Thanks!” — I’m not mad at you.
• “Thanks!!” — Please don’t be mad at me.
• “Thanks!!!” — I’m crying at my desk.
• “Please advise” — This is probably your fault.
• “Kindly advise” — This is entirely your fault.
• “Mind if I swing by?” — I’m already in the elevator.
• “Can you confirm for me?” — You told me before and I deleted the email.
• “Let me know if you need anything else.” — Please never contact me again.

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