My boss asked me the other day what I thought of my new apartment, and that question created a bit of an overload in my brain, so I gave him an inane, but socially acceptable, response.

Here is a list of things I’ve noticed about my new apartment.

  1. The recycling gets picked up on Wednesday.
  2. The top outlet on almost every receptable in the living room and both bedrooms is controlled by a wall switch, which is an oddly high proportion of receptacles to be wired this way.
  3. The mail is generally delivered between 12:30 and 1:30 every day, unless you have a package, which can be delivered any time in the afternoon.
  4. If you stand in the hallway, you can hear into everyone’s apartment. But once you close your front door, you can’t.
  5. The floors that are ceramic tile weren’t originally ceramic tile. The person they hired to do the ceramic tile didn’t know how to deal with the woodwork. But he did, apparently, have access to a pair of tile nippers.
  6. The washing machine and dryer are high-efficiency units. If you’ve never used one of these before, you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
  7. The toilets still take about five gallons per flush.
  8. The in-sink disposal unit can handle dry rice, but not potato peels. Do not put potato peels in the disposal unit, unless you want to plunge it out.
  9. You’re probably going to need a plunger until you are convinced of this fact.
  10. The decor is late 1980s. It is acceptable.
  11. I’m not used to an electric stove. I now know how useful burner covers are.
  12. The freezer has a built-in ice maker, which is handy, but it makes far more ice than I could use in a month of margaritas.
  13. Apparently one of the upstairs residents is still in college, as he is quite young, has irregular hours, carries a backpack, and stomps up the stairs. I refer to him as Junior.
  14. The trash gets picked up on Monday.
  15. A rain spout runs right outside my bedroom window. On rainy days, I can fall asleep to the sound of rain running through it. It’s nice.
  16. I probably should have paid for a car port, because my car is constantly covered in leaves and tree detritus.
  17. The cupboards are not nearly as large as they seem.
  18. I checked the oven temperature with a thermometer. Either the oven thermostat is spot on, or both the oven and my thermometer are off by identical amounts.
  19. I have replaced all of the light bulbs with LED bulbs, except for the ones in the refrigerator and the stove. They were on sale at Costco. I must research if they make LED bulbs for appliances.
  20. I was told I would need a key to the closet under the stairs to get my internet hooked up. As it turns out, there are two sets of stairs, and two closets under the stairs. The same key opens both.
  21. Most people here keep to themselves. Stock up on sugar.
  22. I’ve met the old couple across the way and one door down. They remind me of the old people in Rosemary’s Baby. They seem nice. They have an autumnal wreath on their door.
  23. There is a public laundry room in the back on the first floor which contains a single coin-operated washer and a single coin-operated dryer, along with a table. The apartment complex doesn’t mention that on their website or in any of their literature. The door to the laundry room must stay closed at all times by order of the fire marshall, even if you’re in there.
  24. The couple across the way have two small children. Make sure to close the front door quietly.
  25. You’re not allowed to have a cooler on your deck, but the people in the third floor apartment in the building on the other side of parking lot have a blue one with a white lid on their deck.
  26. I doubt anyone uses the laundry room much. You could do a lot of laundry and get quite a bit of reading done on a long Saturday if you had enough quarters.
  27. The water here is very hard. Not as hard as diamonds, but we are definitely in the nipples-in-Siberia range.
  28. The table in the laundry room sags in the middle. Either it is very old or there is a lot of moisture in this room, particularly during the summer.
  29. It’s also possible Junior is a drug dealer, although that would be a blot on this community’s escutcheon.
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